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Wednesday, December 13, 2017

17:17

ZLATAN IBRAHIMOVIC: PEP GUARDIOLA IS THE MOST IMMATURE COACH I HAVE EVER WORKED WITH!!


Speaking to Sky Sports Italia, Ibrahimovic said: 'I'd walk into a room and he'd walk out. I'd go to meet him and he'd go somewhere else. I understood that there was something beyond football.

'The problem was his, it was he who hadn't solved the problem with me. I remember on my first day, he told me that the Barcelona players didn't turn up to training in Ferraris or Porsches.

'He'd already judged me then, but if you don't know a person then you can't judge them. I had my experience with him, I don't know about others.

'I read the same thing had happened to (Mario) Mandzukic and (Samuel) Eto'o. He wasn't the worst coach I'd worked under, but he was certainly the most immature because a man solves his problems.'

'I'd scored a lot of goals in my first six months and we won two Super Cups. The first six months were perfect.

'After that, we changed system and tactics, and it wasn't good for me, so the club told me to talk to Guardiola, and I told Guardiola that he'd sacrificed the other players for (Lionel)
Messi. He told me he understood me.

'After that, he put me on the bench for the next game, the one after that and the one after that, and I thought, "He's solved the problem very well I see!" After that, he didn't talk to me or even look at me.'

Ibrahimovic left Barcelona for AC Milan in 2010, initially on loan before the move was made permanent the following summer.

Friday, December 01, 2017

20:41

MUGABE GIVES GHANA A SPECIAL GROUP AS HE REACTS TO THE WORLD CUP DRAW!


Nigerians should be worried about Croatia and not Argentina. As a good African, I have already written FIFA to accept the 4-2 victory Nigeria had against Argentina.

I just called the Nigerian President and he asked me if Nigeria is in a group of death, well, I answered "Group D is not a Group of Death, but it is a Group of Considerable Difficulty". He ended the call.

I don't care what you think, but I know that Ghana and Italy are the clear favorites in Group L!

Three things will surely happen in football! Arsenal will always come 4th, Arsenal will surely draw Bayern Munich in the
Champions League and Nigeria will always be in the same world cup group with Argentina.

The love story between Nigeria vs Argentina and Bayern vs Arsenal reminds me that "what GOD has joined together, no man can ever put asunder"

When you want a boy and a girl to date. You put them in the same group. This is making me think FIFA wants Nigeria to marry Argentina. But someone should please tell FIFA that the marriage will not work because they are not compatible.

Please keep your sports analyses to yourself. I just saw people beating one gentleman because he said Nigeria is
to Argentina what Arsenal is to Bayern Munich.



13:11

MUGABE TALKS ABOUT FUNNY THINGS IN FOOTBALL! ENJOY!!


Don't love a girl who love 3 clubs at the same time. If you do, she will fall in love with you and three other guys.
Don't ask me how, just know that her heart has an extension socket.

A friend who is a Man United fan told me that Pogba is the best player in the EPL. I looked at him and wondered why his brain
was maltreating him like This!

One only thing I hate about Lukaku is that the bigger the game is, the higher the chance that you will not see his
name on the score sheet.

Alex Hleb
Alex Song
Alex Chamberlain
Alex Sanchez
Alex Iwobi
Alex Lacazette
If you want to play for Arsenal and you are yet to change your name to Alex. My brother, you need prayers!!

I lost hope in Arsenal when they made Lacazette their world record signing to bench Giroud, when Giroud benches Lacazette in the Franch national team.

Snoring becomes 10 times annoying if it is done by someone you don't like. Same with watching a player you hate
miss a seater on the 92nd minute when your club is 1-0 down.

I told my wife that Spain wanted to send Mourinho, Modric, Messi and Ronaldo to prison for tax fraud. She said they will go there and Mourinho will carry a club called Prison FC to win the Champions League before Arsenal will dare to win it. Women are bad!!

Happy New Month everyone!!

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

14:40

THIS IS THE NET SPEND OF EPL CLUBS OVER THE LAST 2 SEASONS!


"Net spend" is the total amount spent on players purchased minus the amount received from players sold.
This is why we respect Conte a lot!

1. Man City: €331M
2. Man Utd: €291M
3. Palace: €85M
4. Arsenal: €81M
5. Everton: €76M
6. Leicester: €64M
7. West Ham: €57M
8. Watford: €57M
9. WBA:€56M
10. Bourn:€50M
11. Liverpool:  €35M
12. Stoke: €35M
13. Burnley:€28M
14. Chelsea: €28M
15. Spurs: €22M
16. S'oton:€10M
17. Newcastle: -€14M
18. Swansea: -£21M

Tell us what you think!!

Saturday, November 25, 2017

05:54

CAN CHELSEA GO ON ANOTHER WINNING STREAK AS THEY MEET LIVERPOOL ON SATURDAY?


What turned Chelsea into champions last season was a 13-game winning streak that started in October and left them title favourites by January.

After going from strength-to-strength, it was finally brought to an end by rivals Tottenham at the start of January. But at the start of that run, Chelsea were eighth in the Premier League. By the end of it, they were top and six points clear.

Currently it feels like a case of deja-vu with Antonio Conte's Chelsea. Win on against Liverpool and Chelsea will have secured five victories in succession, including a game against Manchester United and away at Liverpool.

Loosing will harm their morale and momentum. But a draw will mean 5 games unbeaten with 4 wins and a draw. Not bad when you consider the fixtures that follow their trip to Anfield.

After Liverpool, Chelsea will play Swansea, Newcastle, West Ham, Huddersfield, Southampton, Everton, Brighton then Stoke.
Then Arsenal on January 3 - a year to the same weekend that Chelsea lost 2-0 to Tottenham. A similar run to last season's could throw them back in the title race.

Can they do it against an inform Liverpool side?

05:36

CANTONA: I LOVE MOURINHO! BUT I WISHED GUARDIOLA WAS UNITED MANAGER AND NOT MOURINHO!!


Cantona – who won four Premier League titles and two FA Cups between 1992 and 1997 and was famed for his flamboyance on the pitch – said:

“He [Mourinho] is playing in this defensive way, which is not the identity of Manchester United.

"Manchester United, it’s like Barcelona. I love Mourinho. I like his charisma, he is very clever, he takes all the pressure on him. I said before he joined Manchester United, I love the man. And I love Guardiola too. Both are great, but I prefer attacking football, when it’s more creative. It’s the way I tried to play all my career.”


Thursday, November 23, 2017

14:02

ANGRY MUGABE REACTS TO MANCHESTER UNITED'S 0-1 LOSS TO BASEL!


My wife screamed that the last time this Manchester United players gave their all was when they were shooting Chivita advert.

To be fair, if you want a striker to get you a goal against an inferior team when the game is already won, Romelu Lukaku is your man. But if you want to score when you need to score, he isnt.

I was waiting for Lukaku to score and then open his hands in celebration. I don't know but Lukaku has learnt from Zlatan how to score irrelevant goals then open his hands like he found the solution to the cure of AIDS.

If you want to annoy a Manchester United fan, tell him that the entire Basel squad cost £7m less than Fellaini.

Your village people have succeeded if they succeed in making you think Mourinho is the best coach
in the EPL. Conte qualified and tops a group which includes Roma and Atletico Madrid and Pochettino qualified and tops a group which includes Real Madrid and Dortmund. But the best coach in the EPL is struggling to qualify and top a group with Basel and CSKA.

You have to respect Mourinho The Special One, Pogba the dab guy and the self acclaimed god, Zlatan Ibrahimovic. It is not easy to loose when you actually went to Basel to draw.

Lindelöf and Eric Bailly are both 6'1. Romelu Lukaku and Paul Pogba 6’3. Fellaini 6’4. Looks like Mourinho is building a club for Basket ball and not football.

Arsenal went to Basel with Rob Holding and won 4-1 and United fans were all screaming: Switzerland Farmers! Switzerland Farmers! Basel Farmers! Now United went there with the most expensive squad in the premier league and couldn't even score a single goal.

Pogba would feed LuKaku, Pogba would feed Lukaku. United fans need to slow down. Pogba is not Lukaku's mother. He certainly doesn't have a feeding bottle.

*End*
10:07

USE THESE FACTS ABOUT THE BASEL 1-0 MANCHESTER UNITED!



1. Manchester United would have earned qualification for Champions League last 16 with a draw

2. They almost took the lead after 11 minutes when Marouane Fellaini's header was cleared off the line Anthony Martial and Marcos Rojo hit the post and crossbar at the end of a first half of few chances

3. Basle improved after the break with Renato Steffen testing Sergio Romero and Michael Lang hitting upright

4. Paul Pogba was withdrawn after 66 minutes as Zlatan Ibrahimovic made his return from an injury

5. However Basle won the game in the 89th minute when Lang tapped home at the far post from a low cross

When all the excitement had died down and everyone put their calculators away, the damage to
Manchester United’s hopes of Champions League progress wasn’t that bad after all. They will still qualify.
But our question is this: why did Manchester united loose against a lowly Basel?

(A) Because they were unlucky

(B) Because they have ab eye on the EPL and not the UCL

(C) Because they underestimated Basel

(D) None of the above

(E) All of the above

Monday, November 20, 2017

15:41

JAMES CALLS CONTE A "DON" AFTER TONY PULIS SACK!!


DRAKE: How do you react to the news of Tony Pulis sack by Westbrom?

JAMES: Tony is the victim of Chelsea retaliatory attack on Westbrom

DRAKE: How? A Westbrom fan told me that he wants Pulis out because he doesn't play football on the ground. He plays it in the sky.

JAMES: I have no problem with Pulis style of play because if God had wanted Westbrom to play football on the ground,
he wouldn’t have invented the sky.

DRAKE: So who do we blame for Pulis sack?

JAMES: Chelsea!

DRAKE: Why? Westrom sacked their manager. Not Chelsea!! Why would Chelsea do that to Westbrom?

JAMES: West Brom got two of Chelsea managers sacked (AVB & Roberto Di Mateo). Don Conte just reversed that by sacking one of their own. It was a hit job like one of those Italian movies.

DRAKE: You are mad!!

*End*
10:53

DE BRUYNE: THANKS TO GUARDIOLA, WE CAN BEAT ANYBODY!!


De Bruyne said: "Guardiola has given us the confidence that we can beat everybody.

"Last year, there were games where we could have been better but we weren't clinical enough.

"This year, even today, we could be more clinical. But we were there in the box, we are scoring more goals and I think that's the main difference from last year.

"It's not about me. It's about how the team plays and the way that the team is playing makes it easier for me.

"Obviously I think it is a type of football that is good for me as a player individually.

"But I think also the way that the team is playing, it just makes it easier for everybody."

Thursday, November 16, 2017

15:38

MUGABE REVEALS THE FUNNY LETTER HE WROTE WHEN HE WAS BEING REMOVED FROM OFFICE!


Before I ran away from the Presidency. I wrote this letter to General Chiwanga. He is the general that masterminded the coup that removed me.
Dear General Chiwenga,
Now that you are done with me, please kindly go after Mr. Wenger.
After me, Arsene Wenger is the longest serving dictator and we are all suffering under him. We have both overstayed our welcome.
Signed
Robert Mugabe
.
.
.
*General Chiwanga reply*
.
.
.
Dear Mugabe,
Thank you for taking your removal like a sportsman and a true gentleman. Thank you again for trusting me to remove Arsene Wenger who has overstayed his welcome.
But I won't remove him because I am a Chelsea fan and we all want him to stay.
Best regards, General Chinwanga
*As you can see, my removal is not the most painful experience I had yesterday. The most painful experience is the above reply I got from general Chinwanga. I just turned and told my wife that
"Clubs who come from 2 goals down to win 3-2 in the 93rd minute are like the cowards who couldn't beat me when I was young but had to wait till I am 93 years*
Good morning everyone!

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

14:25

JAMES IS BACK AGAIN! SEE WHO HE BLAMED AFTER NIGERIA 4-2 ARGENTINA


JAMES: Why are you so excited?

DRAKE: Because Davido and Wiskid are my hommies and they are both Nigerians.

JAMES: I am happy for them also

DRAKE: Who do we blame for the loss? The coach or the players?

JAMES: I blame neither!

DRAKE: Then we should blame Messi!

JAMES: Nope! Be was smart to withdraw bro!

DRAKE: Who should we blame?

JAMES: We should blame The second goal scored by Argentina!

DRAKE: Why should we blame a goal?

JAMES: I blame the second goal because Nigeria started the game as a friendly, until Argentina started behaving anyhow. They provoked the Supper Eagles with that second goal. Even gentle and humble Iwobi started scoring anyhow. Having no respect for elders!

Monday, November 06, 2017

18:25

MUGABE LAUGHS AT LUKAKU AS HE TALKS ABOUT CHELSEA WIN AGAINST MANCHESTER UNITED


I told my wife that David Luiz who didn't play the game appeared more on the TV screen than Lukaku who played. My wife responded that David Luiz who didn't play probably had a better game than Lukaku who did.

The difference between me and Lukaku yesterday night is, I watched the Chelsea vs Manchester United game in front of my TV, at home in Zimbabwe, while Lukaku watched his own, playing in Stamford Bridge.

Mourinho knows the difference between where he got Drogba and where he got Lukaku from! Lets face it, Lukaku is the iPhone you get from Ali Baba. It can only work for one month.

Lukaku had zero touches in Chelsea’s penalty area. My wife told me he is waiting to increase his stats against the likes of Brighton and Westham.

Lukaku shaved his beard thinking he wouldn't be recognized by Christensen. At the end, he was recognized by Christensen. But the ball didn't recognize him.

Man Utd fans insulted Morata's head all season but are now wishing Lukaku has a head to finish the over 123578524 crosses they made today.

Mourinho loves Chelsea. He hijacked Lukaku, saved Chelsea from Matic and gave them 3 points. He's truly the special one. Once a blue... ALWAYS A BLUE!

I have always question the wisdom behind Jose Mourinho as United manager. If a coach cant fix a Yokohama tyre, how can he fix a Chevrolet car?

Now I know why Chelsea lost in Rome. They were baptized in Rome to come and kill the Devils of Manchester!

Thursday, November 02, 2017

08:50

MUGABE LAUGHS AT REAL MADRID AFTER THEIR 3-1 LOSS TO TOTTENHAM!


Real Madrid played like Tottenham and Tottenham played like Madrid. Their shirt colors must have something to do with this confusion

I don't understand Spurs, Only them would go from losing to West Ham to beating Real Madrid 3-1 in the space of seven days.

Sometimes, I think Real Madrid and Chelsea are currently in the same whatsapp group. Bakayoko as the group admin.

I told my wife that Real Madrid is shit without Benzima. She replied me that they are still shit with him. I can't argue with her after yesterday's result.

If you think you are having a bad day, remember those who used their school fees to bet in favor of Madrid.  Remember them in your prayers.

Madrid fans shouting Spurs will burn out in their next games are truly funny. Please someone should explain when Tottenham became a candle.

Yesterday was the first time I've ever watched Real Madrid and thought "Their problem is they are lacking a certain Ayegbeni"

Arsenal and Chelsea players would have struggled against this same Real Madrid. Oga Walcott and Mazi Willian would have missed that last goal 20 times.


Wednesday, November 01, 2017

15:28

MUGABE LAUGHS AS HE REACTS TO CHELSEA 3-0 LOSS TO ROMA


I want to start by wishing happy new month to every football fan, Except Chelsea fans. They can collect their own from Roma.

For those asking me why, well Chelsea is the first team to lose to Crystal Palace, first English team to lose in the UCL this season. And the first to concede from a Shawarma. That's why!

Chelsea's defence reminds me of when we played football as kids and everyone just ran towards the ball. They were on Liverpool mode through out the Roma game.

My wife, a Chelsea fan told me that Chelsea lost because they played free flowing football. I supported her by saying YES!
The ball flowed freely through their defence. Always support what a woman says.

My wife who is a Chelsea fan wanted war when she asked me to analyze the Roma game. I avoided it by telling her that Chelsea were in shambles at the back, in midfield and in going forward. Other than that, Chelsea played well. WORLD WAR 3 averted.

Please hug and show love to every Chelsea fan in Africa. Reports reaching us says they are now looking for ways to kill themselves without committing suicide.

I don't understand this Bakayoko guy. The last time I saw him, he was the assistant gate man of one of my friends in Zimbabwe. How he turned French and is now playing for Chelsea is what I don't know.

Monday, October 30, 2017

17:34

MORATA: I DON'T SEE MYSELF AT CHELSEA FOR A LONG TIME!


Speaking to Italian newspaper La Gazzetta dello Sport ahead of Chelsea's visit to Roma in the Champions League, Morata admitted that despite considering London a "fascinating" place to live due to its "multi-ethnicity", he does not envisage staying for a long time.

"I live in downtown Chelsea", he said. "What fascinates me about London is its multi-ethnicity, the coexistence of cultures and religions, but I do not see myself living here for very long. It's too big, too much stress, too much of a metropolis."

Morata, whose wife is Italian, spoke in a noticeably more positive manner about his time at Juventus.

"Italy for a Spaniard is the best country to live," he said. "You have everything: beauty, history, art, cooking, fashion. I would never have left Italy and Juve."

Morata set up Eden Hazard's winner as Chelsea beat Bournemouth 1-0 on Sunday evening to put his side fourth in the Premier League after 10 games.

17:29

MOURINHO: LUKAKU IS UNTOUCHABLE IN MY TEAM!


Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho has hailed his "untouchable" striker; Romelu Lukaku.

The striker made an electric start to life at Old Trafford as he scored seven times in seven Premier League outings, yet after failing to find the net in his last five matches, he has come in for some criticism.

The Belgium international forward moved to United in the summer for a fee of £75 million and Mourinho has emphatically defended the recent acquisition.

"Romelu is untouchable in my team and should also be in terms of the support from the fans," he told the press ahead of a Tuesday night Champions League meeting with Benfica. "He's playing extremely well for us.

"The fans are free to express themselves as they want. But my job is to protect my players and Romelu should be untouchable.
"I don't think Romelu's quiet at all. Ask [Tottenham defenders] Toby Alderweireld, Jan Vertonghen and Eric Dier if he was quiet!"

After overcoming Spurs 1-0 at the weekend, a match in which Anthony Martial came off the bench to score a late winner, Mourinho's attention is turned towards a fixture with the Portuguese outfit - a club that he says his side will not treat lightly.

"The players felt it was easy to win against CSKA and Basel but felt it was difficult versus Benfica. Benfica are much better than the others," he said on the eve of a fixture that could seal his side's passage through to the last-16 stage.

Are United fans right to criticize Lukaku after such an amazing start to life at Old Trafford?
09:42

CAN REAL MADRID RECOVER TO WIN THE TITLE AFTER THEIR 2 - 1 GIRONA LOSS LEAVES THEM WITH 8 POINTS BEHIND BARCELONA?


Isco had given Real a first-half lead, before Girona's Midfielder Portu back-heeled in the winner in the second half, four minutes after ex-Middlesbrough striker Cristhian Stuani's equaliser.

On-loan Manchester City full-back Pablo Maffeo and Portu both struck the woodwork for the under dogs. Showing and proving that Girona were more dominant in the second half.

This result leaves Zinedine Zidane's side in third place after 10 games behind unbeaten Barca and Valencia, while Girona collected just their third victory of the season.

The question on everyone's mind is, CAN REAL MADRID RECOVER TO WIN THE TITLE? OR SHOULD WE JUST HAND IT OVER TO BARCELONA!

Friday, October 27, 2017

12:24

THE 10 KIND OF PEOPLE YOU WILL FIND IN EVERY NAIJA VIEWING CENTER! WHICH OF THEM MAKE VIEWING CENTERS MOST INTERESTING?


1. THE NOISE MAKERS
They can't close their mouth during a football game. You hear things like; " Messi is good but he is not better than
Joseph Yobo"

2. THE DIE HARD FANS
When their club is loosing 8-0, they will still shout! "My club is better than yous", We won you guys on October 1st 1960"

3. FAIR WEATHER FANS
They are the direct opposite of the Die Hard fans. They turn on their club when the club they are supporting is losing.

4. THE STATS GURU!
They can give stats for Africa; You will hear stats like; "Sir Alex Ferguson was still a baby the last time Liverpool had 90% ball possession against Manchester United"

5. THE FOOTBALL MANAGERS
You will hear things like; Mourinho is stupid! United would have scored 5 goals against Huddersfield if Mourinho played Lukaku on goal and De Gea as a false nine.

6. THE REFEREES
You will hear things like; " Thunder fire that referee for awarding a penalty! The player only kick him in the 18 yard box! He didn't break his legs!!

7. THE KNOW IT ALL
These guys know everything after a bad event. You will hear things like; Lacazette would have scored that goal if he used is nose instead of his head! De Gea should have played in midfield!

8. THE BEAUTIFUL BABES
They came to support their boyfriends. Nothing else! When you asked them who they support, they will say CHELSEA!
When you ask them who the coach of Chelsea is? They will answer Drogba!

9 THE TROUBLE MAKERS
They are the most entertaining in viewing centers because they insult the opposing and loosing fans with songs, chants,
fact, and exaggerations. You will hear "Kai, See as them beat United! Common Huddersfield wey Ikorodu United go
wire 10 zero,"

10 THE BETTING CLUB
They are not there for the clubs they support. They are there for the results. You will hear things like; "Ohh! Chelsea dey mad! See as them just cut my ticket"

Please share if you find it interesting!

Thursday, October 26, 2017

15:32

TOTTENHAM 2-3 WESTHAM AS IT HAPPENED!


Moussa Sissoko put Mauricio Pochettino's side in front after a swift Spurs counter attack on six minutes

The home team then doubled their lead shortly before the break thanks to Dele Alli's deflected effort

Andre Ayew gave West Ham hope 10 minutes into the second half after reacting first to a loose ball

The striker then levelled the scores five minutes later after good work by Manuel Lanzini and Andy Carroll.

Please who can tell us why they lost?

(A) Because they are over confident

(B) Because they had eyes on Manchester United

(C) Because they didn't take the league cup seriously

(D) Because Westham were better in the second half

Tell what you think is responsible for their lost!